The Lazy Language of Bullies (TW)

Growing up, I was called every name in the book. I heard transvestite, faggot, queer, buttlicker, fudge packer, “girl” (yes, I was thrown that alleged “insult”). Being a very literal kid, I didn’t understand why yelling things that I identified with was particularly offensive. More, I was thoroughly unimpressed. If these kids were trying so hard to bully me, why were they so uncreative?

I mean, COME ON. The worst thing you can call me is something I identify as? Which is why I LOVE the old Orbit Gum commercial. This commercial had some of the most fun, interesting, and unoffensive insults, some that I still use today. Although insults are used to express anger and frustration at someone, they can be used in cathartic ways.

Here are some great “funsults” that you can use instead of hurtful, identity-politics driven insults.

• Doo-Doo Head
• Lint Licker
• Bubble Popper
• Pine cone
• Pocket watch
• Mountaintop
• Myrtle Turtle

What’s the key similarity between all of these? They don’t really mean ANYTHING. The cathartic nature of yelling insults only partly relies in the language, but also the force and voice you maintain. So, if you angrily yell out “You’re a bubble popping pinecone” to someone, you can experience the same sense of relief that you might get if you yelled at mean, hurtful, and damaging things as well.

If you’re not down with using “funsults”, here’s a couple situations to consider:

1. Someone yells out “faggot” to a queer person. In this context, a bully is asserting their moral superiority through the use of identity. They, being a heterosexual person, are implying that the “faggot” is a lesser person than them. Bullies, in this context, are reminding the queer person that they are a lesser social class than them. Further, many queer individuals still have a problem identifying as queer (or whatever they choose to identify). By forcing an identity onto a queer person, a bully reinforces the need for individuals to fit in normative categories by way of verbal abuse.
2. Someone yells out “faggot” to a heterosexual person. This situation differs from the previous by the ways in which the insult affects the insultee. Instead of the bully asserting that a person is of a morally inferior status by using their identity, the bully is implying that the person is of lower social class standards by means of referencing a less-privileged class. The bully receives self-gratification by maintaining their superiority by use of a slur.
3. Someone yells out “Bubble-popping pocketwatch” to someone. This literally does not make sense, nor does it mean anything. It does not rely on problematic slurs or insults to affect someone but yet can maintain the sense of rage at someone. The insultee, in this case, understands that the bully does not like them, is a mean person, etc., but is not affected by having an affront to their identity.

Plus, you can be creative with your “funsults”. You can use any random words, phrases, adjectives, and nouns while maintaining the angry sentiment, as long as those words don’t offend people through their identity.

Yes, Shonda Rhimes, There Are Gay Scenes (And They Are So Important)

“There are no GAY scenes. There are scenes with people in them. If u use the phrase “gay scenes”, u are not only LATE to the party but also NOT INVITED to the party. Bye Felicia. #oneLOVE”

You know, I am in love with Shondaland television. Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, are all what I consider the trifecta of American television (medical drama, political drama, and murder drama, respectively). What Rhimes has been able to do is put on mainstream television people of color, women of color, queers, and queer people of color, and for that, Shonda Rhimes and Shondaland deserve all the praise.

HOWEVER, I couldn’t help but be irked by this tweet from the Queen of television herself. Let me lay it out for you, Shonda.

1) Yes, there ARE gay scenes (queer scenes in her shows). It is so important to recognize that there are actual queer scenes in all of her shows DUE TO THE FACT that they don’t really exist outside Shondaland. By affirming the humanist notion that “they are scenes with people in them”, you fail to acknowledge the radical and historic moment where a full night of television on a nationally broadcasted television channel had queer love scenes in it. This failure disavows the important work you have done to represent diversity and inclusion on television.

2) The “oneLOVE” hashtag is primarily problematic for the notion that all love is the same. Of course, this is what organizations like the Human Rights Campaign have been asserting for years to reach for WASP middle class couple issues, like gay marriage and the right to serve, that queer people are the same. Queer people are NOT the same. We have wildly different lived experiences than heterosexuals, and not all of queer loves conforms to a monogamous standard that exists in the heteroworld.

As much as I love your shows, I couldn’t help but not totally agree with your comment, however your intentions were admirable. Yes, we should be affronted at people not watching shows due to the fact that they do have queer scenes, HOWEVER, they exist, and you should be proud of them.

I’m sorry I called you a Racist (and other silly apologies)

Dear Relative,

I would like to make a formal apology for asserting that you were a “racist”, “homophobic”, or “sexist”. Sometimes I forget that using historically inflammatory language towards a group of people can be offensive, and I am so sorry to ascribe you a label that you don’t believe describes you.

Even through your anti-semitic, anti-black rant, there was no reason for me to go so far as to call you a “racist”. That term has connotations of ignorance, and should not be thrown around lightly. It is extremely loaded, and offensive, towards many people who wish they could be race behind them, and I am so sorry for confronting you for your belief in “just how reality is.”

When you decided to call me a f*ggot, I am so sorry for referring to you as “homophobic”. I should have realized that you are for gay marriage and “even sat through the gay storylines in Game of Thrones.” Of course, you aren’t homophobic! Further, when you said you were “afraid to bend over near me”, I should have known that you “didn’t really mean it”. “I was just joking” should have made it clear to me that you are not homophobic.

And how could I even begin to assume that you were “sexist”? Just because you asserted that women should be in the kitchen and that women are naturally more emotional and fragile than men, does not mean that you are a “sexist”. Your aversion to reading books by female authors is just really stating the truth that women don’t write as well as men, which I should have realized if I wasn’t so ignorant. You can’t be a sexist, I mean you think that Hillary Clinton could be President as long as she is through menopause.

I will make a strong effort to not use the terms “racist”, “homophobic”, or “sexist” to describe you or your politically-driven rants. I should have realized that, since you have a black friend, a queer brother, and love your sister, OF COURSE you aren’t any of those things. I am so sorry that I truly offended you and how your view yourself.

Love,

Truth.