A Lack of Sex Doesn’t Make Me (Or You) Better.

I’m not a very sexual person. I much prefer being by myself. In fact, I haven’t had sex in about two years, and I don’t really have a strong desire to partake in it any time soon. It’s not that I hate sex, I’m just not very interested in it.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot, though, and how sex affects me. I’m not a sexual person, but I’m also open to it whenever it comes. So recently I read an article posted by a friend on a social media site that infuriated me to no end.

It’s OKAY to be frustrated that people are more interested in hooking up than having a serious relationship or being “more chivalrous” in their sexual endeavors. You, personally, can be agitated, confused, upset, or any other feeling that you have is completely valid. I know a few years ago I really wanted to date this guy but he was not interested. He only wanted sex. I made it clear that I didn’t want to have sex with him if he didn’t want to date me, and then we went our separate ways. THAT is valid.

It’s NOT OKAY to demean people for choosing to have promiscuous sex or casual encounters. Standing on a perceived moral high ground while berating members of a diverse community for not conforming to hetero-normative sexual and relationship standards is not only terribly misguided, but also parallel to heterosexuals demeaning the queer community for engaging in sodomy. Forcing that narrative onto non-consenting bodies is unforgivable, and an attack on the emotional and mental health of members of the queer community.

Further, there is not just one formulaic definition for individual members of the queer community. Not all members of the 1970’s queer community were as “open and accepting” as your revisionist view of the past might be. Racism and sexism was still alive and rampant. While your personal musings of the queer community are, at large, valid for you and your thought processes, they in no way, shape, or form stand as a definition for the entire queer community. When what you believed the queer community to be ran false and your picturesque dream of queer unity came crashing down in flames, instead of sharing your thoughts and your opinions with your peers you ran away and professed your desire to abandon the community which you just harshly criticized.

While you and others might equate sexual promiscuity with a lack of moral fiber, I connect abandonment with a lack of desired unity. A lack of good. A lack of selflessness. The queer community is not perfect, but isolating yourself by slut-shaming members is not the right path.

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